Tada!

Funny how I have been sitting around waiting for a post to just come to me... But someone had mentioned that they were inspired by one of my posts and that left me with a sense of gratification. That means to me that someone felt a bond or a connection with something I had written and moved them enough to let me know about it. Consequently this completely made my day! You know who you are! So that moment brings me to this post.

As I sit here today I looked over a few of the posts I have done in the past and realized that I hadn't taken a photo of the 17pound less version of me! I, as I had told, joined Weight Watchers in October of last year. I had an initial goal of 130..seeing as that was the # in high school. Ambitious, yes...

Just now I looked at the HORRID photo I had posted for all to see of me at my worst. It is a photo that literally haunts me. I mean, I didn't see THAT person when I looked in the mirror. The best part is, this isn't just about looks. This was a change that had to be made to all sections of me (brain, body, and heart). I got this way by shutting down my brain and turning on the "negative" voice I had worked so hard to stow away. I allowed that inner struggle to grow and food was my comfort. I, someone who had recently conquered Post Partum and found myself, was yet LOST again. Funny how a photograph can show so much! Just for fun, here it is again. Seriously people, this is self punishment.. but a HUGE reminder of what I don't want to happen again.

You know the funny part. I have had a few friends tell me that I am not "fat" or don't "look that bad" in this photo. But I think we all know the things in our lives that disturb us. I was just willing to admit to myself that THIS is not the ME I want to be. Nough said! Moving on...

The past several months were the WORST, but BEST time to join Weight Watchers. It was the holiday's and if I can survive those and lose weight, I have won over my brain and will power. I lost between 1-2 pounds a week for 3 months. It was slow but continuous and healthy! This is how I wanted it to be. No gimmick, no tricks, just me making good choices. It worked out since I am now back to pre-baby weight and lost a total of 17 pounds. The last 6 are icing. I am fitting in my clothes with room to spare, I have a better outlook on my body and my mind is getting stronger with the running I have done. I am pushing myself through barriers (although small to others) that I never thought I would get through. That voice in my head is getting smaller, I need to believe in myself and be happy with the life I lead. I have so much to be thankful for it is amazing how quickly you can lose sight of that over something as lame as.."that person has ____, why cant I". Lack of perspective, I think.

It appears as though the "right" people are coming into my life. We spent an evening with a good friend and her family and I honestly cant remember the last time I got to sit and visit and talk about good stuff. I mean the stuff that you actually want to talk to people about, but never seem to think they will have an interest or care about. It is amazing what happens when you surround yourself with people that care because they care, not because they are trying to prove something. So thank you Beckett's... You will never know just how much I took away from our evening! =)

I guess in reality this post is just a self revelation. I am realizing that things don't have to be a certain way. People should love me because of me, not what I have or the type of gifts I give. I am starting to make the emotional changes I need to make in order to continue on this journey in a positive direction. Of course there will be plenty of moments of forgetfulness and slipping back into the way I was... but how do you learn if you don't fall? right? So today, I look forward to falling and getting back up and moving on... as cliche as that sounds.

In honor of where I have gotten, my husband and I set out to get to the top of Cowles Mountain. It isn't a gigantic mountain, but a good hike and one that he had no completed yet and I had never attempted. On Valentines, we did it together. Our fitness and willingness to make better decisions is trickling over into our parenting and we are setting our kids up to make healthier decisions. After all, we teach them what we know right? I don't want my kids to have to re-design their thinking process after the fact... Once we got to the top, it was beautiful! Life seems so simple, its amazing what a good hike can do for the brain. It was getting warm and plenty of times we could of just turned around and said that we would another day. But we didn't. And I am so happy we didn't. I wouldn't of gotten these two pictures. They mean so much to me. I can see a difference (even though its not in a bathing suit) but I can see the "bettered" me! Mind, Body, and Soul... Plus the photo reminds me of how I felt at that moment. =) It was a GREAT day and still is!