Long Time No Chat!

It seems that life whirls by and next thing you know, you haven't had a moment to breathe in sooo long.. I was sitting here working and realized, I hadn't posted anything in such a long time! To my 2 followers, my sincere apologies! LOL But no really, sorry!

It seems as though the new moon this year has brought on new children. They have been testing NON STOP and there are many days I think I might just loose my mind! Funny how when you get upset about them doing something they are not suppose to, they quickly do something cute that makes you giggle.. It is amazing to me that they are programed that way! Go figure!

My boys are getting close to their 5th and 3rd birthday and apparently that means "we are going to fight more". Everyone assures me boys argue and its normal.. But I cant help wondering if when they get bigger and move out, if they will still talk to one another, even though the other took his toy. :) Heck they even argue over what toy on TV they want and who gets it first! I mean really?? I want them to grow up and know that they need to respect people and earn the things that they have. My oldest has to earn his money by helping me take the recyclables out, and my youngest earns it via using the potty. :) It was the only method of reward that made him do his "business" in the potty and has ever since! I'm impressed with their ability to grow and learn! AMAZING

The spouse has been sick, so I have had a 3rd child around and it has been rough. I feel bad when everyone is ill, but it can be a frustrating place to be. I hope I am not the only mom that feels that way.. I say that a lot.. Hmm I will have to add that on my list of things to work on. It is a mile and a half long, at least the new list! I'm not telling about the old one! Ha!

Anywho, the boys are getting big and life is just moving along. After all its almost APRIL! I do have somethings to look forward too.. I have a girls trip to Palm Springs approaching.. I cant wait.. It is with a group of girls whom I was in junior high with, we found each other on Face Book! It has also become a annual trip! SO FUN... I will have to post about it. OK well, I suppose I should be working, after all, I am working from home today!

I hope everyone has a fabulous day and don't forget to smile, you never know what that does for someone elses day! Oh! Wanted to share a family pic we just had done! I just LOVE it!

This photo by Bethann Greenberg reminds me why I am working on making Photography a career and a life dream! www.bethanngreenberg.com

Tada!

Funny how I have been sitting around waiting for a post to just come to me... But someone had mentioned that they were inspired by one of my posts and that left me with a sense of gratification. That means to me that someone felt a bond or a connection with something I had written and moved them enough to let me know about it. Consequently this completely made my day! You know who you are! So that moment brings me to this post.

As I sit here today I looked over a few of the posts I have done in the past and realized that I hadn't taken a photo of the 17pound less version of me! I, as I had told, joined Weight Watchers in October of last year. I had an initial goal of 130..seeing as that was the # in high school. Ambitious, yes...

Just now I looked at the HORRID photo I had posted for all to see of me at my worst. It is a photo that literally haunts me. I mean, I didn't see THAT person when I looked in the mirror. The best part is, this isn't just about looks. This was a change that had to be made to all sections of me (brain, body, and heart). I got this way by shutting down my brain and turning on the "negative" voice I had worked so hard to stow away. I allowed that inner struggle to grow and food was my comfort. I, someone who had recently conquered Post Partum and found myself, was yet LOST again. Funny how a photograph can show so much! Just for fun, here it is again. Seriously people, this is self punishment.. but a HUGE reminder of what I don't want to happen again.

You know the funny part. I have had a few friends tell me that I am not "fat" or don't "look that bad" in this photo. But I think we all know the things in our lives that disturb us. I was just willing to admit to myself that THIS is not the ME I want to be. Nough said! Moving on...

The past several months were the WORST, but BEST time to join Weight Watchers. It was the holiday's and if I can survive those and lose weight, I have won over my brain and will power. I lost between 1-2 pounds a week for 3 months. It was slow but continuous and healthy! This is how I wanted it to be. No gimmick, no tricks, just me making good choices. It worked out since I am now back to pre-baby weight and lost a total of 17 pounds. The last 6 are icing. I am fitting in my clothes with room to spare, I have a better outlook on my body and my mind is getting stronger with the running I have done. I am pushing myself through barriers (although small to others) that I never thought I would get through. That voice in my head is getting smaller, I need to believe in myself and be happy with the life I lead. I have so much to be thankful for it is amazing how quickly you can lose sight of that over something as lame as.."that person has ____, why cant I". Lack of perspective, I think.

It appears as though the "right" people are coming into my life. We spent an evening with a good friend and her family and I honestly cant remember the last time I got to sit and visit and talk about good stuff. I mean the stuff that you actually want to talk to people about, but never seem to think they will have an interest or care about. It is amazing what happens when you surround yourself with people that care because they care, not because they are trying to prove something. So thank you Beckett's... You will never know just how much I took away from our evening! =)

I guess in reality this post is just a self revelation. I am realizing that things don't have to be a certain way. People should love me because of me, not what I have or the type of gifts I give. I am starting to make the emotional changes I need to make in order to continue on this journey in a positive direction. Of course there will be plenty of moments of forgetfulness and slipping back into the way I was... but how do you learn if you don't fall? right? So today, I look forward to falling and getting back up and moving on... as cliche as that sounds.

In honor of where I have gotten, my husband and I set out to get to the top of Cowles Mountain. It isn't a gigantic mountain, but a good hike and one that he had no completed yet and I had never attempted. On Valentines, we did it together. Our fitness and willingness to make better decisions is trickling over into our parenting and we are setting our kids up to make healthier decisions. After all, we teach them what we know right? I don't want my kids to have to re-design their thinking process after the fact... Once we got to the top, it was beautiful! Life seems so simple, its amazing what a good hike can do for the brain. It was getting warm and plenty of times we could of just turned around and said that we would another day. But we didn't. And I am so happy we didn't. I wouldn't of gotten these two pictures. They mean so much to me. I can see a difference (even though its not in a bathing suit) but I can see the "bettered" me! Mind, Body, and Soul... Plus the photo reminds me of how I felt at that moment. =) It was a GREAT day and still is!

My "ah ha" moment... Sorry Oprah!

Good Evening,

Kids are in bed, hubby just ran to the store, dishes are staring me in the face and my belly is full from dinner and I don't want to do a thing! Let me guess, you have been here too. Who hasn't right. I am curious that if my inspiration to work on things around the house or comment on other Mom's blogs is slightly strange? I ask only because my hubby tends to roll his eyes when I show him all the marvels I have found on blogs! I mean it is amazing! Somewhat overwhelming and my anxiety kicks in, because hey, I am not creating anything fabulous, I do not have a million followers, or attend conventions on blogging (had no idea that occurred)... I have seen THE most adorable jewelry items, camera strap covers, Mom's that have homes decorated to the nine (but with items they made in their spare time?)... Yet here I sit. Looking around... I have a few items i grabbed at the thrift store with hopes to dress up and make a fau mantel (ya I said fau).. side note but my vocabulary has taken notes and I have thousands of new words to describe my home, family, and self! Thanks ladies!

Anywho, where was I... Oh ya, trying to think what in God's name would give me an edge or a topic or a photo op? Still thinking on that one, but its funny.. A friend of mine recently left facebook (like its a relationship, but seriously it almost is) and she started a blog. Her whole blog centers around the idea that its 365 days without a facebook! (Seriously check her out, http://amomwithoutfacebook.blogspot.com/) Great idea right, it made me a reader or sorry...Follower. I have found that interesting as it seems that facebook satisfy that voyeuristic quality in me that just wants to know what else is going on in the world of my friends and families. I thought it was great to see what they were up to, look at pictures... etc.. i also found it odd that I was sad at times at the things I did read and see. Nothing tragic really, just a blow to my ego from time to time and sometimes I was envious. Now, envious is by no means a quality I would like to inherent. It is a dirty little word with devious outcomes. I found myself in small facebook wars with people about stupid things and all in all, I didn't like the person I was becoming. Now I did not cancel my account and start a blog just like my friend, but she inspired me. Lots of things have... She was the first.

Next I clicked that silly icon that allows you to go to the next blog. Well then I found House of Smith's! OMG... Can I just say that, that woman is freaking AMAZING. If you haven't looked her up, please do! http://www.houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/ ) You will truly be changed if you love great ideas for your home and crafty options to make your house a home! She has give aways and photos....quite honestly I spent a week, AT WORK, looking at this woman's site. I ran home, promptly informed my hubby that we needed shelves and stat (that or a mantel) and that I was going to the thrift store for goodies... You should of seen his face! I also saw many links on other blogs. I mean seriously...you can go on FOREVER! So now, not only have I been inspired to cut the little evils or limit them from my life, but now we have an entire house to remodel! (= Well that is a bit extreme, but you get the picture.

So many other sites I am in love with! Of course, finding that my girlfriends from K-8 have sites, HELLO! So exciting! Ohh there was another site I wanted to mention called Little Miss Momma.. (http://www.littlemissmomma.blogspot.com/ ) So cute.. She is adorable and of course the more I look around the more put together these sites are and mine is the template version.. Goodness I can either hang my head in shame of all the things I am not doing with my spare time, or I can look at it as an inspiration to move forward and add more to my life. After all, these women have children, husbands, they may work or stay at home and do the hardest job possible, lots of possibilities... I look at this as a journey to find my reason for starting this blog in the first place. My first struggle as noted was finding a darn name for the thing. God Lord, really! Do you know how many were "taken".. So  you could imagine my joy of finding one that is "available".. You got it. Jumping up and down, creating it as fast as possible, then calling the closest co-worker to google it and see what she gets. Not kidding folks, I had her screen shot me the image to my email. (=

So what is this post really about, do I have a direction or a purpose...not really, but just that over the past several months I have spent indulging in others lives and wishing it was my own (or at least certain events) Don't get me wrong I LOVE my life and my kids and hubby...Best people EVER! But I think we all fall victim of thinking that other people have it easier, or better, or that we are not that lucky and so on. Know what light bulb literally just turned on in my noggin.. When you do that and think others are better, you are discrediting yourself of all your own personal accomplishments. OK so I don't make gorgeous mantels, wreaths, decorations, invented the coolest multi sweater craft (really there is one, no joke), but I do so many other things and I think what makes me great is the fact that I TRY EVERYTHING..

My brother in law once said to me that he "admires my ability to chase my (see told you I was working on it). I have been able to follow or try or start just about anything I have found remotely interesting. Its like my life is one large bucket list and instead of waiting until I am old and senile I am doing it now! I have gone to school to teach, decided not to do the credential program and only regret it here and there. I have attended beauty school, only to drop out due to a pregnancy (I WAS SOOOO SICK) giving pedicures was not something that was, well...pretty for me! So one day I WILL go back and finish as that is part of my list! I signed up to sell Jewelry to conquer my fear of large groups and speaking.. Talk about hitting the storm head on, I am much better, but time to move on and sell off the remaining items I don't wear; Momma's ready for a new venture! I got an amazing Cannon Rebel for my birthday a year or so ago and started taking pictures of my monkeys; hence the reference to banana's; which they are! It sparked an interest and I thought, wouldn't it be neat to have my own photography business... With that thought Smitten Photography was born!

There are many other moments, but I wont bore you with my jumping from here and there. The point is, it is a great thing to follow what your heart is saying right then and there! I mean really. I didn't see that until recently! Apparently I am learning I am not gun shy, but I am a free spirit looking for my purpose. The one and only purpose I have that stays with me, is that I want to make a difference. Now, that sounds cliche, but it is true in all aspects of my life. I want to move someone to tears with a shot of their child, I want to help a Mom who feels like she is all alone and crazy for having such random thoughts, I want to breathe hope in women who suffer from anxiety and depression that you can over come and live a comfortable life, I want to set an example for my kids that it is utterly important to make the ones you love feel loved. I could go on and on. Overall I guess this is me accepting me for me. Simple right! HA! If only you knew what all happened to get to this! That will be another day and post, but for now, I am content on knowing that I, like all the other women I follow or watch on blogs, have something special to offer as well. Let's just see how far this blog actually goes. Wouldn't it be something if it grew in audience... Just sayin..

Well that only took a year!

I just spent that past week looking at the "Create a Blog" page; where it asks you to place the name of your blog and check availability... I never realized coming up with a name that would encompass ALL that you want to communicate to Lord knows who, would be so darn hard. I have a friend at work that prides himself on knicknames, to which I have many created for myself, but when tasked to help me create a name for this "therapeutic" blog...BLANK..... nothing....

You start to think of the things that define you. For instance, you, meaning the millions of people I hope to read this... jk (well kinda) don't know me. What makes something catchy and search-able etc.. Granted I know what your thinking and "Juggling Bananas" seems a bit...well...odd or phallic I have been told (=, but I ensure you, the name is just perfect for my little family.

I, like my profile states, am a working mother of 2 wonderful boys, and a valiant husband who works hard to maintain our balance. Without him, who knows where we would be... wait...well we wouldn't be.. Anywho.. off topic! LOL

Boy 1 is the oldest. At the moment, oldest, means 4.5; not 4 1/2, he insists on 4.5. How can you not just love him already! Boy 2 is the youngest (I am a rocket scientist by day in case you were wondering, jk) and he is 2 1/2 and has no preference as to how it is said, as long as "he is getting bigger" is included. They are amazing little creatures with interesting habits at their current ages. Complete and POLAR opposites when they were babies. I am amazed at times I am still somewhat sane! (= My love for another human being knows no boundaries. I never in this world expected to feel so much love equally for tiny little people. They bring joy and laughter to my day and they always seem to do it when I am having a "moment"... They are boys... dirty, silly, crazy, dysfunctional (at times), but completely and utterly perfect in our eyes.

Recently life has been, well, interesting. It wasn't until a few weeks ago, I thought of this blog as an outlet for myself, but also as a little piece of history to have for the kids when they get older... Who knows, maybe someone would publish this as a book! Kidding! I was driving home and I had made a wrong turn for some strange reason; not like I don't go the SAME way every day... But my oldest asked me "Why are we going this way Mommy?" so I told him that I had accidentally made a wrong turn and we would be back on track soon.. The car was silent, figured that was a sufficient answer, seeing as though it was the truth... I swung the car back around and soon we were on our "route" home... Out of no where my oldest says to me, "Mommy, you have lost your mind! Do you need help finding it?" I couldn't say anything but laugh.... wouldn't you?

In all fairness, yea all our kids say the funniest things... But this struck me as funny, but also struck a deeper cord. Lately I had been feeling overwhelmed, stressed to the max, emotionally raw, and frankly tired of trying to keep up with everything all the time.. I am always forgetting something, late to something, said the wrong thing at the wrong time..etc... Maybe my 4.5 year old is saying more than just something he heard at school? Maybe not, but inside I just felt like all the other STUFF was taking me away from them. I thought to myself, its time to clean house... Time to rid myself of the things that are not helping me be a better person. I get so caught up in every day activities that I am missing the biggest picture. My family! Yes I am there to pick up and drop off, go to birthdays, or family gatherings. But I haven't stopped and just ENJOYED the moments with them. Its "OK that is done, moving on".. How is that good..

Blogging to me sounded like a good, creative, and therapeutic outlet. Something that takes a few moments out of my day to talk about something that might be bothering me, making me happy, or just silly. But for me, I love to write...something about it helps me get through things easier.. Almost as if I can get it all out of me, see it on paper, and then look at it from a new perspective. When doing this, the things that seemed so HUGE, suddenly decrease in size by at least a mile and a half! So I hope that those of you that do read or check this out from time to time, can find some fun or interest.. I have always felt "alone" in certain situations and took comfort in hearing or reading that I wasn't. If I can do that for you, then great!

Now, where was I going with all of this?? Ah! What's in a name! Juggling Banana's seemed appropriate (thank you Rachel!) because I feel like I go a mile a minute and have these monkey arms that grab, catch, and hold like no other. Juggling is an act or activity right, and being a mom is just that. You juggle between, kids, husband, family, and life. It creates an interesting story, one I hope to share and learn from. As far as the Banana's part goes... My boys are monkey's, the saying "monkey see monkey do" was written for them! I swear! Besides all monkey's, including mine, LOVE bananas. There ya have it! Juggling Bananas was created..